the name’s Leo, damnit!

Since I’ve been out of this for a while, I’ve decided to be both informative and cheap at the same time.

The informative bit:

Leonardo da Vinci was both a perfectionist and a procrastinator. A strange combination of traits, but hey, look where it got him.

The bloke was also a vegetarian, for humanitarian reasons, apparently. Still, he dissected humans to study anatomy and took a job designing weapons for the military. I suppose he just loved animals more.

Among many other things, he also invented the scissors. Edward must be thankful.

It took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa’s lips. And people ask me why I need more time “to write a simple script”.

The cheap bit:

So apparently, if I blog about this, I stand to get two free tix to the Da Vinci The Genius exhibition, now running at the Pusat Sains Negara. You can read all about it here, but if I may just add, respectfully, referring to the fella just as “da Vinci” simply means “from Vinci”. Leonardo (or as I personally prefer: “Leo”) would be more appropriate, if like me, you feel a need to be a stickler on a Monday. Just so you know

And no, I didn’t find out about that last bit of info while I was googling “did you know Leonardo da Vinci” just minutes ago. As it turns out, being a football fan teaches you more than just heckling.

Oh, if you’re a cheap Chinaman too, you may also be interested to know how to get your 2 free tix here.

Proper blog post coming soon, when I feel like it! In the meantime, happy deepavali. I had a mini celebration in the elevator today.

what could have been

I would blog about how I noticed that the skies are beautiful today.
Or how I look forward to mornings and the day that comes with it.
I might have also written about how wonderful it is to wake up and do what I do.
How much I love the possibilities and the organised mess that is work.
I could have told you about how the little things in life never fail to make me smile.
And how my optimism keeps me alive.
Perhaps I would have also mentioned that I love the smell of freshly-baked muffins, or something banal like that.
I might have also added something about how my favourite tunes can always get me going again.

I would have done all that but unfortunately, at least for today, none of them seem true.

a message

My song is love
Love to the loveless shown
And it goes up
You don’t have to be alone
Your heavy heart
Is made of stone
And it’s so hard to see you clearly
You don’t have to be on your own
You don’t have to be on your own

And I’m not gonna take it back
And I’m not gonna say I don’t mean that
You’re the target that I’m aiming at
Got to get that message home

My song is love
My song is love, unknown
But I’m on fire for you, clearly
You don’t have to be alone
You don’t have to be on your own

And I’m not gonna take it back
And I’m not gonna say I don’t mean that
You’re the target that I’m aiming at
And I’m nothing on my own
Got to get that message home

And I’m not gonna stand and wait
Not gonna leave it until it’s much too late
On a platform I’m gonna stand and say
That I’m nothing on my own
And I love you, please come home

My song is love, is love unknown
And I’ve got to get that message home.

Because I love this song, you can learn how to love it too.
Acoustic version for download here.

to each their own

So, before we even realise, it’s bloody June already.

That means the year is halfway done. And for most of us, a sense of panic almost always creeps in.

You can’t really help but ask the common questions:
So, what have we done so far?
Is there anything that we can be remotely proud of thus far?
I’m getting older?!

For others, it’s perhaps a good time to figure out if change can bring about some kind of greater good. Perhaps it’ll provide the kick up the arse that you’ve been needing for so long.

Perhaps.

After all, we always have a choice.

the lazy way to blog

champions! again! i look fat!

keeping it together – part 2

It’s like a curve chart.

Where: x = days/hours since the drama began and y = stress/diuniaseng tulan mahchowhai level

Plot out one for yourself and you’ll very easily see that after its apex, it always nosedives.

It doesn’t mean that everything rapidly changes back to good after you’ve had enough.

As Rusell Peters would say: “No, no, no, no, no…that is very incorrect.”

It simply means that you will always reach a point where numbness kicks in. At that point of the equation, you are simply too tired to care, rant, be pissed off or have any control over your body. The autopilot kicks in.

Comfortably numb.

At 7.49am, it certainly feels like it.

keeping it together

Some days, nothing goes right.

You wake up with a little bit of despair, brought forward from the night before. Sometimes, the ability to pen exactly how you feel can be a real pain.

You come in to work and there are all these…things. You feel like yelling at someone, but what’s the bloody point? No one listens anyway.

You have things on your mind — of distant dreams and closure. You want to run. If only you could afford it.

You put your hands over your face, close your eyes and take a deep breath.

You tell yourself: you need to keep it together.

now my feet won’t touch the ground

Apart from birth and death, there is one other certainty in life: it will suck every once in a while. It reminds us that we’re well and truly alive.

The irony is, you feel the very least alive when you can’t really tell why it sucks. When life rots into a mundane, daily/weekly/monthly routine of too much of the ordinary, you can’t really say it sucks. It’s just uneventful, monotonously unspectacular and well, boring. And when the things that used to bring some kind of apex on your life’s line graph now fail to provide any kind of buzz, you know things are going downhill. Compare that to “suck” and you may just find that it’s far worse.  When nothing much excites you anymore, you feel like a limp dick. As far as I can say, that’s never a lot of fun.

When your life plateaus in this manner, my expert advice is for you to go and get (metaphorically speaking) a Hard On, with a capital H and O.

And that is how I found myself in Singapore last week for, as far as I can remember, the best 2 hours of my life. All for the sake of a massive boner.

“I could hear it coming
I could hear the sirens sound…”
- Life In Technicolor II

As the rickety Tiger Airways bus with wings did its thing on the runway, there was plenty on my mind. I didn’t/couldn’t sleep the night before, in spite of a mixture of benadryl and clarityne. I wondered if I could go through the day on adrenaline alone. I wondered if anything would go wrong. I wondered if I would be disappointed. Was it going to be like a Man Utd match that’s been hyped up for weeks, but merely ends in a drab 0-0 draw?

I clearly needed to calm the f*** down. So I ignored the “no electronic devices” instruction and pressed play. In an instant, everything was ok. I could hear it coming.

“So come over, just be patient, and don’t worry.”
- Death And All His Friends

We got there in one piece soon enough. I was slowly feeling the effects of the medication/lack of sleep, which is possibly why I felt compelled to fill in my arrival card with a red pen. It earned me a telling off from the frumpy looking immigration lady. I told her the stewardess gave me a red pen, trying to absolve myself of any wrongdoing. I didn’t lie. Red was one of the options available to me on the multicoloured pen. If they didn’t want anyone to use red, then why have it on the plane?

Did some shopping (I was quite well-behaved this time around), had two pints of stout, went back to the not-so-royal Hotel Royal and crashed for an hour or so.

Cold, cold water what ya say?
When it’s such…
It’s such a perfect day,
It’s such a perfect day.
- Strawberry Swing

I forgot we were in a massive government complex disguised as a country, so it was quite foolish for me to worry that something would go wrong. Got to the stadium and collected the tickets without much incident. We had time to spare, so I bought a tee (42) and had a bit of food and beer. When we took the escalator up to the entrance, you could feel the buzz. We were there, and so were they. I had a feeling that it was going to be one of the best nights in my life, like a kid let loose in Toys R Us after closing. It didn’t cross my mind then, but the only downside was that playtime would end, eventually.

Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you.
- Fix You

After what felt like eternity, the boys came on. It’s hard for me to write about how it felt. I remember screaming, a lot, as the people with me would testify. I remember jumping around like an Energizer bunny. I remember singing out of key (an everyday activity anyway). I remember shedding a tear when the roaring guitar solo to Fix You came on. I remember realising that not many nights would top this one. I remember thinking: “This is it. They’re here, not too far away from where we are. They’re real. And they’re f***ing good.” I remember trying to decide if I wanted to record a video of Viva La Vida, sing along, jump or scream. I couldn’t make up my mind, so I did it all at the same time. I remember losing my voice. I remember a few lines from Chris that pierced deeply, as it reminded me of a few things currently brewing in my life. I remember wishing that I could enjoy doing what I do like they did.

The rest of it was one big fat boner of a rocking good time.

Lovers, keep on the road you’re on,
Runners, until the race is run.
Soldiers, you’ve got to soldier on,
Sometimes even right is wrong.
- Lovers In Japan

But like I said, it had to end. And I can’t afford to follow them around the world or some nonsense like that. And the trouble is, life has to go on. It’s not as if I’ve returned a changed person, recharged and ready to take over the world. As the last 6 days or so have proven, I still find it mind-numbingly hard to be excited over waking up, toiling at work and all that. Perhaps it has merely proven that I really do know what it takes to give me a massive Hard On (again, metaphorically). In an ideal world, I would be them — rocking, touring, loving what I do. But I’m not good enough and that’s that. I suppose there’s a way around this, and I’ll figure it out.

Until then, there’s the routine to go back to, small dramas to face each day and the periodical emo-ness to confront. My feet are firmly back on the ground now, as reality sets in. But I guess we all need to be swept off every once in a while, in whatever way that turns us on. It makes reality a better place.

:)

Apparently…

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don’t like conflict. Because you’re so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don’t judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren’t necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people’s eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren’t interested in wasting time with people you don’t really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don’t succeed. Don’t give up when you haven’t yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Your turn, here.

these four walls

The first thing that you think of when you wake up — it sets the tone. And says everything that you need to know about your life at that point in time.

Unless of course, you don’t need to wake up if you don’t want to; a privilege only a few of us can afford. Those silver spoon bastards.

In any case, time is a commodity that I have learned to treat selfishly over the past few years. I wake up, take a dump, eat, go back to bed and do pretty much whatever I want to, when I want to. It’s a wonderful life, until I realise it’s a Sunday and I can only do that at most, twice a week. Bollocks.

But over the past few months, being selective about how I spend my time has included choosing wisely in the DVD shop, in spite of enticing “You buy four, I give you one free, boss.” invitations from my burly DVD peddler, living under the false impression that I am in some way, his CEO, hence the “boss” at the end. I suppose it makes him think that it’ll make me feel special. He doesn’t know of course, that I am mentally handicapped in my own little ways, so there’s no need to make me feel any more special than I already am.

A few such trips have included picking up Slumdog Millionaire and Milk, possibly two of the best movies I’ve seen over the past few months. No big secret now anyway. EVERYONE knows they’re good, so don’t worry, this post won’t change your life.

But I love them in a simplistic way: at the end of the two hours or so, they both gave me some kind of cinematic reward. If you’ve seen Australia (the film) or have been to a ladyboy bar in Patpong, then you’ll know how it’s like to be cheated.

And yet, consider that Milk was conceived way back in 1991, taking 17 years to come to life. Slumdog involved living, breathing and being a real slumdog in Mumbai itself, to make it true to life. Brilliance, it seems, takes time, and a willingness to be out there where life really is. Belief, determination and passion seems to also be about how you do something, not just what you do.

Without saying too much, it all comes back to the first thing that crosses my mind when I wake up. It connects itself to these four walls, and everything else that they provide. When I take all of them and put them together, I wonder: it says all there is to be said, doesn’t it?